I’ve been thinking a lot about this whole “finding balance” thing. Every blog I read about self-care for moms encourages me to seek balance. What is it? If you look up the definition of balance you’ll find a few:
an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady
a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions
keep or put (something) in a steady position so that it does not fall
offset or compare the value of (one thing) with another
Even. Equal. Mmmmk.
Raise your hand if you’ve had kids and have ever used these two words to describe anything you’ve done since the moment your name changed from “you” to “mom”.
I’m not saying that it’s impossible. But it kind of is. And it seems as though the more we seek this mystical way of being, the more UN-balanced we become. We’re in constant pursuit of it as moms, because we are being told over and over that it’s what we need to find in order to live a happy life.
But here’s the thing. It’s ok to not be living in a constant state of happiness. Sometimes life is ho-hum, or complicated, or challenging, or busy… and there’s really nothing wrong with that. Sometimes it’s ok to honour these times and just find the harmony in our busy-parenting-trying-to-find-time-for-ourself lives.
I’ve spent a lot of time (read: years) chasing balance, with and without kids. I’ve realized that if I didn’t have it before I had kids, there’s no way I’m finding it with kids. So, after a lot of reading, writing, talking & listening, I’ve decided to take “find balance” off of my list of things to do. Mostly because there is no way, EVER, that when I spend 6 hours parenting, I will in turn get 6 hours to spend on myself. I’m letting it go.
For me, HARMONY is the new balance. I like the definition so much more…
A combination of separate but related parts in a way that uses their similarities to bring unity.
I think this is what we should be focusing on as moms. Creating moments that connect us to each other and to ourselves. Moments that bring UNITY. Sometimes life will be crazy and the moments will be few and far between. The chaos, the complicated, the busy, the frustrated.. it’s all there for a reason.
Cliche, I know.
But I believe this to be true. We learn from the good times and the tough times. Sometimes we learn so we can better our own lives, our family’s lives; sometimes we learn so we can help others. Always, there is something bigger than us at play, something we can’t see, a higher being that is giving us exactly what we need, in the moment we need it. You may call it God, the Universe, the Tao. Whatever you call it, believe in your source, it’s there to offer you harmony in all of your moments.
Does this mean I am suggesting that you simply accept the things that may burden you and make you feel as though you have lost yourself? Certainly not.
I’ll be writing about the importance of not settling and how questioning your state can change your life in another blog. For now, I simply want to offer a suggestion to do yourself a favour and stop seeking balance. A happy life is not dependent on it.
What do you think? Have you been able to achieve balance or is it something you feel you are continually chasing?